There’s no doubt that your parents have survived frightening world events, whether that was World War II, the war in Vietnam, nuclear threat, illness, poverty, civil unrest, or all of the above. However, the use of the word “unprecedented” regarding COVID-19 or Coronavirus and what’s happening now is not an exaggeration. They may not understand it all or what they should do, not because they aren’t wise, but because the news has been confusing to interpret.
As of 4pm on March 17th, the number of confirmed cases of COVID-19 across the United States was only 7,043 cases with 95 confirmed deaths from the virus. Your parents may not think this sounds like that many. They may think it doesn’t warrant the kind of lock-in that we need in order to stop the spread. So they may not be taking the need to stay home seriously.
Why We Need To Stay Home
This video from Dave Asprey, founder of Bulletproof, makes the case quite clearly about why we need to stay home, even if we aren’t afraid of getting sick ourselves.
When we first became aware of COVID-19, the novel coronavirus, there were several TV pundits and other authority figures saying that the virus was just another version of the flu. We’ve learned a lot more about the seriousness of COVID-19 in the past few days. The current advice is for people to stay home in order to “flatten the curve” and slow the spread.
It seems, though, that many people of the older generation may have stepped away from the news, often in the name of not giving in to panic and stress. If your parents continue to meet friends for lunch, go to work, and attend crowded events, you may be looking for support on how to get them to stay home.
Talk With Them About It
Some states are already doing formal lock-down/quarantine “shelter in place” mandates. But, if that’s not the case for your parents, here’s how you can talk with them about it.
- Listen to them, and determine the concerns they have.
Get curious about what they have heard, what they are frustrated about, and what they are skeptical about. Many people are frustrated with lines at the grocery store, toilet paper hoarding, and the hysteria of the crowds around them. Your parents may not want to feel like they are one of “those people.” Assure them that taking some precautions, especially staying home, is completely reasonable and can be done in a non-panicked way. Make sure to repeat back their concerns to them and make them feel heard and believed rather than heaping all of your own fears onto them.
Also, get real with them about their needs. Consider that your mom may be concerned about getting her hair and nails done, and while this may not be a big deal to you, it likely is to her. Consider how you can support her to make alternative arrangements during this time, or reassure her that she looks beautiful even without her regular hair appointment on the books.
- Emphasize the risk in practical terms.
Share articles and news with them that state the facts, soberly, like this one. Your parents might already have a good understanding about how viruses spread in general. They may already know the basics of how important it is for them to wash their hands. But if they don’t already know, talk to them about *why* physical distancing is important, really to save the lives of people beyond themselves, if they don’t feel personally at risk.
- Show them you are taking it seriously.
You may want to show them this video created by Max Brooks, son of legendary comedian Mel Brooks. He created a PSA to convince younger people to be cognizant of how they might spread the virus to people who are the most vulnerable to it. It presents the situation in a succinct, somewhat lighthearted way. It may also help your parents see that many people out there care about them and want to keep them safe. Since they may be younger than Mel Brooks’s 92 years, it also might make them feel a responsibility to protect people in even more of a vulnerable position than themselves as well.
Talk About Your Fear
Remember, your parents have been through a lot over their lifetime. Speak to them about your own vulnerabilities about how to care for them. Talk about your fears for them. Use “I” statements such as “I’m worried that you will get sick and I won’t be able to get to you.” Or “I’m afraid that I won’t be able to help you, if you need it.” Avoid saying things like “you are making the wrong decision” or “how could you still be going out?”
Remind them, if they have grandchildren, that their grandchildren need them to stay healthy.
Model The Way
Speak to your parents as you wish they would speak to you. Model the way for them, even if they have not modeled the way for you in the past. Now is the time for us all to step up as leaders, and remember #wereallinthistogether.
In our next blog, we’ll share some ideas regarding personal financial and legal steps you can take to get your (and your parents) affairs in order, while we are all sheltering at home. If you’ve got questions about that before then, please give us a call. We are here to help.